Jules, Molly and Jonathan are our heroes. They man
our hectic helpdesk, answering your calls, helping you build fundraising pages,
calming you down when your computer crashes and providing various miscellaneous
services like directory enquiries and impromptu counselling.
In the past 12 months, they've replied to more than
13,000 emails and picked up a ringing phone over 8,000 times. Phew!
Of course, every now and again they get an email
that makes us all laugh, or leaves us scratching our heads, or requires a call
to the men in white coats.
So as an amusing diversion on a Friday lunchtime,
here we present a small selection of customer queries that made us chuckle in
2005:
“I don’t understand
the internetty webby thingy.”
“Can you send me the
full list of housing opportunities ASAP?”
[eh?]
“You’re homophobic;
you changed my message about gay chat.”
“I was going to call
you earlier but lighting hit my phone.”
“I don’t donate
online due to deep emotional scarring issues so please can I donate over the
phone?”
“My mother and I
knit at lot of clothes. Can we give them to you?”
[um...]
“What time is Sandra
climbing the mountain?”
[er...]
“Can you send me a
massive comedy cheque?”
“Paul we really have
to be careful not to allow our secret relationship to become public knowledge.
Thanks for sponsoring me on my run, but when paying I would have liked you to
use your agreed name of ‘Wilf’, as you do when you wine and dine me on our wild
weekends away.” [oops, not sure that was that meant
for us]
“After making my
donation of £10 to XXXX I later returned to the site to see how the fund raising
was going and was upset to find that my comment ‘I’ll give you another £100 if
you get your knob out!’ was changed to ‘Good Luck!’.” [yes, um, sorry about that. but we're a family
site and all.]
“Will you tell Bob
to fuck off and stop sending me emails. Any further emails will
result in complaints to the Police and Charity Commission.” [righty ho]
“I was thinking about
buying a cat, then found myself on your Battersea Dogs and Cats website and
thought it better to donate instead and perhaps take in rescued cat. So, is it
better to take in a unwanted cat – or to sponsor? I don’t really have time (or
like) dogs, so they’re not really an option.”
- James G
